It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
