is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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