3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
