saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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