I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
