I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
