Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
