well I can't set my house on fire every night
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
