Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Dicks are not precious.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
