My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize