i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
