the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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