Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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