She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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