And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
