I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
well you can't waste a boner
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
