insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
