I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
