from now on my penis is your penis
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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