Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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