i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
