You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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