I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize