is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
