This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
