He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
