ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I puked a lego.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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