If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Brb crying the tears of my youth
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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