have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
