New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
