I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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