Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
