The best revenge is premature balding
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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