that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
