def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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