Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
