Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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