Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
