I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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