I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just found puke in my bra..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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