Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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