she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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