There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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