mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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