Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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