please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
