I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
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