didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
