I got chris browned last night
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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