I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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