so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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