seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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