Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
