if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize