he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize