Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize