If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Fuck appropriateness.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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