I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
