He uses pillows to masturbate.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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