turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
