I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My ATM looks so different sober.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
