Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
