Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize