how can u be prego again
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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